Last week I found out I was pregnant and yesterday I had a miscarriage. I found out on Thursday morning the 7th. I bought a pregnancy test and it immediately ignited with two pink lines positive for pregnancy. On Tuesday my breasts were sore and Wednesday I felt implantation cramping along with breast soreness which were no surprise to me after missing my period on June 20th.
I had finally gotten my head around the fact that I was pregnant by Sunday and decided to start our homeschool curriculum earlier than I had last stated I would on my podcast to give me a lot of freedom through the school year since I would be due late February or early March. Monday was great and as I wrote here, it is more our routine to learn, than to be in an absence of learning.
This continues with my own learning journey, for on Tuesday morning I woke up and began the process of what would be my first experience in having a miscarriage. Fiona asked me the question why would God make me pregnant and than make you not pregnant? Well my sweet child, and to those reading this, God always gives us experiences to learn and take from. He is not a malicious God, and though I am a Christian, I am a realist with science. I live on a farm, I see life and death almost daily from small to big parallels of what I recognized in all our animals, having not made it past 7 weeks in my own pregnancy.
Day two of our homeschool curriculum and we took the day off. We took the day to be together and I took the day to heal and let my body have its process in the miscarriage. This was just yesterday and today I am writing the next morning.
I never thought I would be a woman who would understand the experience of miscarriage and here I am going through it. I feel like a lot of my experiences in life have been to be given the ability to have great empathy, not sympathy, for people who come into my life as I come into theirs for periods of time from short to long lengths. I believe this to be why I am experiencing this now. God prepares us for things we cannot know are important until the day we realize it.
I am not typically one to share things like this as I go through them, but like I said I do not believe this to be an experience I am meant to keep private. A lot of women have experienced miscarriages, I was 7 weeks if looking at the first date of my last period. I passed something that proves to me this was beyond a chemical pregnancy. I am sad and I have emotions that I am dealing with in this process. But, I am also a realist and understand this is part of nature.
Nature heals all wounds, physical and emotional. Yesterday, we spent a lot of time outside, connected to nature. The lake was like the ocean, my haven. No one else was there but us. It was everything I needed. Last night we stayed outside for a long time, enjoying a beautiful evening with no bugs and a wind that made the evening cool followed by a beautiful Supermoon.
Healing looks and feels different for each of us. The fact that I am sharing this with you today shows a healing from a many other things. I do not share for sympathy, but for those who can empathize.
Life changes quickly, we must adapt. We are coming into a time where we must become more resilient than we ever have had to be before for those of us in my same generation. We can do hard things. Take time, heal, and keep going. Share and give love, but also be able to receive it. My husband has been wonderful in this, this is not only my loss but his too. We share a wonderful marriage, and a lot of our success is our ability to give and receive each other’s love and be present to talk and to listen. Thank you for listening.